Lately I’ve been really stressed out. Incredibly so. I’ve been working at this new job for almost 5 months now. I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything yet and I’m so out-of-place in the environment. I also just generally don’t like the job but I made the change for reasons outside of that so I’m sticking with it. But the anxiety is real.
Coming into work 30 minutes early every day to try to give myself a leg up. Trying my hardest to make the situation work. I feel like at the end of each day I’m wondering where the time went. How did I get through another day and still not accomplish anything ground breaking. And I feel this way about things outside of work too. My credit card is maxed out right now. How the fuck did that happen? Again?! My student debt is rising and I don’t have a degree. Why the hell not? When the hell will I finally be done?! I’m not pregnant yet. Kill me now. Seriously. This is a thought that has crossed my mind.
What’s worst is that is affects my mood, my sleep, my energy levels. This thought that I have been wasting time, that I have not done anything of significance yet. So, when I flipped open my bible this morning and came across this verse I thought it was pretty perfect. The days were fashioned for me. God knows what he’s doing. He gave me this set amount of time on earth to do what I have to do and he knows where its going to take me. I have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé and I’m working my hardest to make the best of them.
To allow myself to become stressed and anxious over time is a disservice to my day. It’s taking me out of the moment. I need to be present and stop rushing things. When I’m dead I won’t be remembered for that one time I answered all my emails in the day or crossed off everything on my to-do list. If I quit my job tomorrow the company would not fall apart without me. There is this constant pressure to put everyone elses needs ahead of our own but maybe it’s time to start prioritizing our days based on what would make us happy? What is the most important to us?
I made the feature image a picture of my dog Izzy today because to her time doesn’t matter. She doesn’t care if we spend 5 minutes in bed or 4 hours on a hike. As long as we’re together shes happy and she has everything she needs. I want to live more like Izzy. I think that’s beautiful.