I am obsessed with the Pete and Ariana engagement after what seems like 3.5 seconds together. I just want to go ahead and say that I am absolutely here for it! With that said, the question is out there. How soon is too soon to get engaged?
Beyoncé and Jay-Z dated for 10 years before getting married. My parents had two kids by the time they got engaged. Jennifer Lopez is out here in these streets talking about “el anillo pa quando?!” It’s fair to say everyone runs on their own timeline and every couple is different.
Matt and I were engaged after being together almost two years and being friends for four. We had just taken the leap of moving in together with no roommates and adopting the most adorable beagle mix puppy, Izzy. It was June, the weather was getting nicer and we were both stressed out. He suggested taking of a random Wednesday and going for a day trip. He said he would plan it and I didn’t have to do a thing, so I of course accepted.
At first it wasn’t a huge deal, it was just us playing hooky for the day. Then, as the day got closer, and Matt started getting more excited, he started making all these comments about how he can’t wait for the day to come or how he planned a big surprise trip. I remember I had one moment, a couple of days before, where I thought it was possible that he was proposing to me. Matt used to get home an hour or so after me so I had a good amount of time on my hands that night. I looked everywhere, even in my secret gift hiding places and I couldn’t find anything. The next logical step in my mind was that he planned for us to go sky diving. I know that sounds crazy but we were talking a lot about it at the time and it was in the same area we were going. (We still haven’t gone sky diving actually.) Plus, we shared a one bedroom apartment, if there was a ring I would have found it. Eventually, he did tell me we were going to a vineyard. Something I had never done and had always spoken about doing.
The day of I got dressed, and ready like normal. We were going to drop off Izzy at my parents house in Jersey first and then head out. Before we left I went on the computer. I don’t remember what i was doing, maybe something for school but that doesn’t matter really. Matt got on the computer after me and he was freaking out. He started asking me if I was going through his messages or looking through his stuff on the computer. I hadn’t but the irrational, neurotic girlfriend I was, had sirens going off in my head. I spent the entire drive thinking he was keeping something from me; that he was cheating. I was telling myself that the minute we get home I would go through his entire computer while he was asleep. Judge all you want; I was deranged. I forgot to mention, the drive was two hours! I had plenty of time to boil over. Matt was so nervous he wasn’t speaking much either but I was too busy making shit up in my head to notice.
We arrived right as the vineyard was opening. There were no other customers just us, so we went in and decided on what wine tasting we wanted to do. Once we had our first glass of wine we headed out on the grounds and walked around. I remember we were talking about our life together and what comes next and I was thinking I get it, no pressure. We’re good. I honestly knew at some point we would get married so I didn’t feel like there was much to talk about. The when didn’t bother me in that moment. As we’re walking back from the vineyard to one of the grassy areas, there were these picnic tables and so we sat on top of the table and we’re talking. I look away for a second and the next thing I know Matt is getting down on one knee. My immediate reaction was to start crying. I don’t know why. I was just so happy in that moment. Spoiler alert! I said yes.
We spent the rest of our day fielding phone calls after my mom posted on Instagram that we were engaged so we had to post confirming that we were. We got very drunk and stopped at McDonald’s on the way home to get anything to eat. Later we got a good laugh out of me thinking he was cheating on me. Turns out when he went to log in to the computer a picture of the ring or a message about the ring, or something along those lines, was pulled up. He thought I had seen it and the surprise was ruined. Also, the ring was hiding in his shoe! The one place I never thought of searching.
Looking back I’m not sure if I would have been mature enough to handle getting engaged right at the beginning of our relationship. I do understand the feeling of not wanting to leave his side and instantly knowing that this will be my person forever. Me and Matt spoke about getting married right from the start. We just both knew it would happen when it was supposed to happen. Putting time lines and restrictions on things like that seems silly. How soon or how long you wait doesn’t dictate a marriage.
Overall, I wish Ariana and Pete a ton of happiness. And for anyone reading this, I hope you don’t let time dictate your happiness either. I hope you’re going after the things you love no matter what they are. Life is too short.