This week I have been reflecting so much on marriage and what that means in my life. If you’ve read any of my past posts you know I’m married and I love my husband very much. Reflecting on this bible verse after two years of marriage I can really understand what it means to be of “one flesh”.
I was 25 when I married Matt. Not crazy young but still pretty young for some people. At that point I had never lived on my own ( I either lived with my parents or with Matt), I had debt to my name (still do), and I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with my life (still am). Marrying Matt was a blessing I was not financially ready for and that scared me a lot. I knew very quickly i wanted to marry him but once marriage became a tangible thing in our lives my thinking became more realistic. Could we do this? Could we really get married and have a life together? Could I support a man and become his family when I wasn’t sure I could even support myself?
We got married and we became one. One bank account, one life plan, one home. Making a decision was now a conversation. I no longer had to find plans because I have built-in quality time. Everything I do now affects the person I love most in this world. That’s what the bible means by one flesh. It’s not just your life any more its “our life”. What’s more is that Matt’s mother passed before we got engaged so he didn’t have the one person he turned to for everything anymore. He just had me.
I had this realization very soon after the wedding that this journey is not about me or us but about him. Everything I do in life is for Matt. I had to remove myself. I am now the rib to a body; I am here to support and hold everything valuable close to the chest. I look out for him.
Matt always knew he wanted a dog once he was in an apartment that allowed them. I personally didn’t really see myself with pets. To me it was added responsibility that I wasn’t ready for. Still when Matt decided we should get Izzy I went along with it and she was the first step in our family. Simba was then an act of madness on my end but I’ll admit I’m completely in love with him too. Now Matt tells me pretty frequently that he wants two more dogs. TWO MORE?! Before you can even say “that’s crazy!” I can tell you that it will most likely happen. Not because I necessarily want it to but because he does. And his wants are now my wants, his dreams are my dreams. That’s part of it.
Before marriage I looked at it through rose-colored glasses. Babies, a house, pets; I thought I was ready for all of it. What you don’t know before marriage is how your heart will change. How your motivation will change. There is no room for selfishness in a marriage. If you are living for your self then you are hurting your partner. Matt and I have definitely had fights because our needs sometimes don’t match up or the urgency is different for me than for him. Getting Izzy was the most important thing for him. For me I needed bookshelves. We ended up getting both eventually but the urgency was different and for a while it put a strain on our relationship. When we were dating I couldn’t wait to have his babies but when we got married I appreciated being with just him that I questioned if children really fit into our lives. He did not agree and it’s something we worked through together.
My husband is my best friend in the entire world. I don’t just want to spend time with him some times. I love to spend time with him all the time. We are 99.9% on the same page about everything. When he’s not around I miss him. I am excited to see him everyday after work and I can’t leave the house without kissing him good-bye. We would both rather be at the movies, in our favorite seats, eating our usually snacks than doing just about anything. We both share the passion to travel and for food. We are of “one flesh”, one drive, one desire, one home.
The point here is that Matt and I are one. We had to go through a lot of heartache and difficulties to get here. Things that were outside of our control. At the end of the day we choose each other. Every damn time. So today I pray for continued patience and friendship. I pray for growth and love and a long healthy marriage.
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