This week has been a lot of things to me. It has tested me in many many ways and guess what? I’m still here.
For one, I got my period this week. Ew. TMI Reena. Get over it. You’ll survive. If you’ve read my blog before you’ll know that this pretty much sucks for more reasons than just cramps and bloating. But you want to know the worst part? I was so positively, absolutely, 100%, no questions asked, sure that I was pregnant. This was gonna be my month! My grandmother had called me to tell me she had a dream that I was pregnant with twins; two girls. I had a bunch of symptoms, we had done everything right. I was Positive Polly in these streets and no one could tell me otherwise. While ordering my food at the movie theaters I felt it, a day early, and knew I was wrong. And that sucked! I had a quick cry in the bathroom and then went on about my day. What else could I do? As my husband likes to remind me, we did it once we know we can do it again. That alone is a blessing from God.
At work I have two very difficult bosses with extreme personalities. The draw back being that neither of them actually work in my field and don’t know the ins and outs of what I am supposed to do. They are forced, because of this broken system, to rate my performance based solely on my results which they also have a hard time deciphering. I do billing and collections. The billing part is pretty straight forward, either you did it or you didn’t (for the most part). Collections is where it gets tricky. We have a client who has a large debt with us at the moment. I have spent the past couple of months doing everything but holding their hand and singing them a song and in return they had promised us significant payment this past month. When the end of the month came, our numbers were horrible. Mainly because of this one client and the fact that we had still had not received payments. My bosses were frantic. They rewrote my emails, started getting other people involved, and overall tried to undermine my hard work that they deemed insufficient. Now we’re in the first week of this new month and all of a sudden payments start pouring in from our client. I’m talking BIG payments. Only one of my bosses said I did a good job, the other just asked me to verify my numbers. Either way I’ll take it as a win. Another blessing from God.
My final trial this week came when I went to class. We had Monday off for Labor day so I only had to go to class Wednesday. Being that it was my second class with this professor and we have next class off because of Rosh Hashanah, I really wanted to get the most of it. I came in as early as I could after work. I got a seat closer to the front (the first class I sat in the back next to the air conditioner and that was a huge mistake! I couldn’t hear a thing.) Our last assignment was to read Frank O’Hara’s Lunch Poems and small book, almost a hundred pages long. No problem. I like poetry and I like to read, let’s get into it. As the class progresses and we’re discussing the poems and the inner thoughts of O’Hara, some of my classmates expressed their disinterest for the book. My professor flat-out asks if I liked the poem we were reading. I didn’t. I mean I understood it and I liked some of the poems in the book but overall it was not my preferred choice of poetry. My teacher was crushed! He said this was one of his favorite books ever! He went on for a while about how it’s going to be tough to get through to a class that doesn’t like O’Hara. For the most part, I’m pretty sure, he was joking but I was nervous that not having the same taste as my teacher was going to mean a set back as an English major. The conversations continued and we ended class early. I somehow still felt thrilled and motivated. I’m used to leave my accounting classes in dread of all the homework I had to do and uninterested in coming to the next class regardless of how well I was doing. Now I feel like I have something to prove. The fire is lit and we’re moving on to Othello next. I’m not even going to sit here and act like I can’t see God working in my life right now.
So, what’s your point here Reena?
You. Are. Alive.
It’s as simple as that.
It is your responsibility to keep moving forward. God will be your umbrella in the rain, the roof over your head, or whatever other pretty analogy you need to hear right now. He’s got you. You have to do your job. So while I’m not pregnant this month, I still have a shot for next month! And tons of sex to look forward to (Hi Mom!). While my boss is not praising my work all the time, I know that I’m at least going in the right direction and it’s getting harder for him to ignore that. While I’m still very nervous that I have no idea when I’ll finish school or what I’ll do with an English degree, I’m finally enjoying my classes again! I keep moving and God keeps working. We are a team stronger than Scotty 2 Hotty and Grandmaster Sexay!
My only prayer this week is that God continues to lift me up, hold me down, and bring love and happiness into my life. That my hard work does not go unnoticed and that I am motivated to go further and work harder.