Am I Really Doing This?

So today is different.

Today I am working my last day on a job that I never liked very much on an island I still have not found my sea legs for.

I had planned this post as a farewell to an ugly chapter in my work experience but unfortunately it got uglier before that could happen. I left my job a day earlier than expected because shit happens and people can be horrible sometimes.

It’s been a rough year and a half here but it was necessary in order to keep moving forward.

Let me explain:

I took this job as a way to be closer to home in the event that Matt and I got pregnant and, this was a way to be able to attend night classes at Queens College. All of this leads me to the next big starring role of my life. Quitting my job and going back to school full time. This is incredibly scary for me. Not even gonna lie. This will be the first time in almost ten years that I won’t have a full time job.

When I first dropped out of school in 2010, I went straight to work. Full time work has been my backbone, my sanctuary and my source of pride (and income) for such a long time. Giving this up, willingly, has been a source of many anxious nightmares the past couple of months. Being the recipient of a generous scholarship for the upcoming scholastic year I had the option of going full steam ahead, quitting my job, and going to school full time and completing my English is degree. OR taking a couple of night classes like I have been doing (just for free this time) and continuing the slow move towards a 10 year bachelors degree. (Yes babe I’m exaggerating).

You would think this was an easy decision… but its not. Shit has been hard AF.

So here we are again at another crossroads with me changing up my entire life. I feel like every couple of years I do this. Change up everything around me and start over from the bottom. Mainly because I don’t think I’ve been feeding my passions in a way that keeps them alive and healthy. I thought moving to Long Island would end all my creative instincts but the opposite happened. They’ve become louder! Begging for attention and whining for quality time.

So I’m going to write. And I’m going to act. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to feed my soul. And I’m going to do my best to not to feel guilty about doing this because holy shit! you could be making 6 figures as an accountant! What are you doing?!

My ten year high school reunion is next month. I haven’t really decided if I’m going to go because “I’m unemployed and following my dReAmS” doesn’t seem like the glow up I wanted to have at this point. But! BIG BUT! Looking back on this ten years I’ve come to the realization that I could have fucked this whole thing up so much more. And for that I’m proud. This next journey is going to be interesting to say the least but I think I’m pretty lucky.

Until then Matt and I are taking some much needed time off and traveling a bit so be on the look out for those posts! Either way, there are still a couple of things up in the air at this point so I won’t share all my plans but if you do wander onto the Queens College campus, bring food, because ya girl is always hungry!

Thanks for sticking with me. I hope I don’t disappoint you.

-Besos! XO

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